I found this article today, and i hope with what's coming our way it could help us maintain the wonderful connection between us. I will look into this from time to time. I will do my best to remember. But if i ever forget, please, darling. Remind me. Because you matter to me a world more than anything.
If someone asks you today- “Why do you work so hard?” Chances are that you will reply “To give my family and children and better life”.
It’s the same all over the world- parents work for many hours a day, sometimes even bringing work home, in order to earn more to afford a bigger house, bigger car and provide the family a better standard of living.
With the money they have, they spend a fortune on expensive toys, holidays, clothes and school accessories. Yet, many parents find that all these don’t seem to be enough. Their children not only don’t seem to appreciate their parents’ hard work, they are always sulking, throwing tantrums and demanding for more.
Have we gone wrong somewhere? Perhaps so, because the Malaysian Mental Health Association reports that an alarmingly high percentage of children (13%) face mental problems as a result of modern-day stressors. So why are our children unhappy?
Experts say it’s the modern day stressors. “Children these days are exposed to such a vibrant environment. There’s school, tuition, illnesses, family conflicts, peer pressure, societal expectations plus aggressive advertising. Children are confused with the conflicting message they hear from you and the mass media,” says Consultant Psychiatrist Dr. Nur Hamidah Mohd. Salleh, who is based at the Gleneagles Intan Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur.
The most common reason for children to be unhappy is not getting parental attention and devotion. Most working parents often assume the easiest way to please their children is to buy them things. But material pleasures are usually short-lived.
“What is more important is the parental touch- being there for them, talking, listening and basically sharing their lives,” say Dr Nur Hamidah.
Before you begin, it helps to know what they need at particular points of their lives:
Birth to two: Basic needs
LIKES: Being touched, smiled at, cuddled and stroked.
ACTION: Maintain eye contact or hold their hand when talking to them
Three to six: Formative years
LIKES: Knowing that they are special, for example, that a particular dish that you are cooking is specially for them
ACTION: Spend time with them to know their likes and dislikes
Seven to twelve: Development of self-consciousness
LIKES: Doing things together with parents, such as washing the car, cooking or spring-cleaning. Wants to be liked and accepted by friends, so may do anything to get peer approval.
ACTION: Teach them about self-worth so that they can deal with peer pressure. Continue to remind them that you will always love them no matter how the world sees them.
Teenage years: Hormonal and emotional changes
LIKES: to have their life tasks clearly defined so that they will not be soul-searching endlessly. Also enjoys activities with friends more than family
ACTION: Don’t feel hurt when your teens prefer their friends to you- it’s just a passing phase. Be flexible but firm on house rules; they still need to know and respect the boss around the house!
Just remember, a happy child is not necessarily one who is always laughing or smiling. A happy child is one who will grow into a mature adult emotionally, intellectually, socially and psychologically. They will be more willing to share and care for others, unlike unhappy people who are perpetually trapped in their misery.(Copyright 2010 Parenting2u.com)
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