Sleepless nights

Lately I am having trouble sleeping. Actually I think it started 2 weeks ago, the week that I had migraine every morning the whole week. N then i had flu, and now alhamdulillah, I don't have flu anymore, but I still am having trouble sleeping. I would be wide awake till i would finally managed to fall asleep around 3.30am, after tossing and turning countless times beside you and abah since 12am. And while trying to fall asleep, I keep having this headache. Mild, but seasick like..you know the one that makes you feel like youre on a boat or something. And it usually gets worse in the morning, when its time to wake up and we have so much thing to do getting you ready for school and all.

I am actually kind of worried now. What is wrong with me, sayang? At first i thought it was my tonsilitis. But since we have met the ENT specialist and now im taking antibiotics, and nothing had change since, I cant help thinking that its not tonsilitis anymore. well maybe it is, only maybe it had spread to other parts of my head. i hope so. hope its nothing worse than that. :-/

Well we would find out in 2 weeks time now, wont we? i am due for CT scan once ive completed the antibiotic course.

InsyaAllah, its just something treatable. I am sorry if this worries you, but maybe by recording bout my medical record, you can benefit from it too one day, for reference.

I love you, aliya. I pray for only the best for you. You know I do <3 :-* Kalau mama tanya you today, " you tau tak mama sayang you sooooo much?" you would say
" i know" dengan muka bangga dan konfiden yang amat sangat. And mama pun akan senyum sebab happy :-)


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Bye Myvi

It was indeed a sad day, when we realised that today was the last day to have myvi with us. You were having the hardest time-you practically grew up with it. 5 of your 7 years of age was with the car around. You hugged the front seat and cried your heart out like it was nobodys business. I held back my tears, of course, one of us had to be strong, right :'( .

Never thought letting myvi go could be this painful.

But we make sacrifices for getting something better. It may not be what we would like to do, but if its the best thing to do, we have to do it.

One day you will understand, ya sayang.

I love you so..ooo..  much.

"Saya nak car ni mama, tak nak yang lain"

 Cant let go

 Thanks a million, Myvi. You've been a good baby.

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Sabr

Salam, sayang mama.

I know that this entry may be too heavy for you now (you're just 7!! haha!) But since its VERY important for you to know, to understand this as EARLY as you can, and knowing that I may not be able to do it later ( i may forgot about this, may get too preoccupied with other things... etc) I think I better put it out now. IF YOU CAN'T RELATE TO THIS NOW, COME REVISIT THIS POST LATER when you can :D.

Just so you know, I know a lot of strong, independent women who are allowing themselves to be oppressed by their life partners, and many of their loved ones. I can't do much for them, I can only listen to their heartbreaking stories when they need a shoulder to cry on, and suggest what they should do. But no matter what I said, what I advised them to do, they would in the end do what their hearts tell them to do. And the matters of hearts; what they feel like doing, what they love doing, hate doing, are influenced by their environment, growing norms and surroundings since they are as young as 6 years old. To change how the hearts behave would take more than a simple talk from me. It needs to come as natural as their growing environment, as natural as listening to their favourite music etc. Something as natural as may be; serendipity.

So I am hoping that I am providing you the RIGHT environment for your heart to rule your whole being to act in the RIGHT way when you are wronged.

In everything we do, as a muslim, we have to have SABR in our hearts. But what is SABR really? It is NOT PASSIVE, not willingly suffer in silence, but to RESPOND in THE RIGHT WAY. Because you'll see, 'responding' is not at all difficult, but to ensure that you respond in the RIGHT way, takes a whole lot more than knowing what to do, but also the correct state of mind, supported with strong heart, that is filled with iman (Sabr, is HALF of it), perseverance, and belief that Allah would return what you do now in the hereafter.

When you have the time, listen to the talk above. She's really good. May Allah return the favours to her, amiin.

I am sorry, sayang. I am thinking of writing something better than this. Something more casual, lighter. I will come back one day for that, InsyaAllah.